A couple of weeks ago I was having a chat with a friend and one thing led to another and we began to talk about our hearts and desires for our children.
In this season of life I am in, this topic is one that seems to surface often.
Growing up in a home where my mom wasn't always able to care for me as she desired, I had a host of "moms" guiding me and telling me what I should and shouldn't do. This, of course, didn't always set the best example for me.
When I found out that I was pregnant with our first born I freaked for many reasons. One of those reasons was because I was absolutely terrified at the thought of taking care of someone other than myself (I blame that on growing up as an only child) and becoming a mother to this child who would need me more than anyone else ever had before. I was terrified.
I mean, you guys, I was completely freaked out.
I thought...
"What if I ruin this kid?"
"I don't have any authentic mothering experiences or any that I thought compared to that of others' so what will I use as a guideline for creating an environment for our children to thrive in?"
These along with many other thoughts bombarded my mind.
While the truth is that none of us, no matter how we grew up, can ever truly be prepared for all the ups and downs motherhood will bring, I still feared that no matter how much Jesus was on my side or how much I psyched myself up, I'd fail. Miserably.
To my surprise, I am now a mother to four absolutely beautiful souls who call me "mom".
I do mean 'surprise' in each and every sense of the word. Really, I do.
We didn't plan for a single one of them BUT could not imagine our lives without any of them and know that's just the way God planned it.
I'm nowhere near perfect when it comes to leading this little ones. And, yes, I have failed more times than I can count on ten hands; however, the thing about failure is that God takes those things that we see as failures and uses them to grow strengths in us and enable us to encounter more and more of His grace, forgiveness, mercy and His love.
So, that conversation with a friend...
I had quite the revelation that night.
I realized that there is a difference between a 'mom' and a 'mother' and I'm not sure that I have complete revelation of it just yet but, nonetheless, it has set me free to love my kids in a whole new way and bring just a little more freedom in my parenting.
Of course, since I'm all about living a more free life and not living that free life alone, I thought I would share just a bit of what God shared with me in that moment.
Here it is...are you ready?
"I [you] may not always be a good MOM but I am always a good MOTHER."
At the core of who I am, in my heart, I mother my kids like no one else was created to do.
Your story, my friend, is really no different.
No one can do what you can for your children and the gift of YOU is all they really need. Your heart for them, your encouraging words, your smile, your hug. All of those simple things are what makes you a good mother, their mother.
I know that you're probably asking, "Why would we want to be good at only one of these and not the other?"
The truth of the matter is that you really don't have to be better at one than the other.
I believe that when you give birth, you are instantly a mother.
(Granted, I know, there are select cases where some mothers have issues with bonding, giving their children up, etc. but this doesn't even necessarily make them bad mothers and these are pretty rare cases)
As for moms, we are always a work in progress. A mom can yell, say the wrong thing or not give the attention needed to her kids. She may lose her temper or just not want to be around her kids altogether for a short or extended period of time. She is finicky and sometimes not exactly sure why she ever had kids in the first place. Relating? That would be the mom in you.
A mother's heart does not change; it doesn't waiver. A mother's heart seeks to care, nurture the hearts of her own. She protects, gives and loves unconditionally.
My mother's heart is the part of me [or you] that, at the core, desires and prays the best for her children at all times.
Since making a clear definition between the two I have been able to seek to always mother my children and have fun being a mom at the same time but not strive for perfection in either area.
God has given me the grace to be just who He called me to be as a mother and mama to my kids and I'm trusting him to lead the way, all the way, everyday, even when I want to pull my hair out in frustration over some of the most silly things.
I am certain...
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. Philipians 1:6
You'll never be a perfect mom, but you're always a good mother. And He who is faithful is completing a good work in you and your children. It's a promise.
Hugs and love to each of you mamas out there and here's to freedom in our parenting and the room to love our kids where they are.
XO,
Beautiful words, Kennesha! We don't have to be perfect moms. There's no such thing. I hope as my children reflect back on their childhood they felt as though my husband and I were always present.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! Thanks for stopping by, friend! xo
ReplyDeleteSo well said....so very well said! My children are grown with kids of their own...let I've prayed today for one that will go to a doctor today for her eye. Worried, concerned, anxious just as if she was a baby. They will always be my "babies" and if I've ever done anything right, I know my depth of love for them is the way it should be. There is a quote that I love..."Don't kiss your children so they kiss you back...kiss yours children so they will kiss theirs". Your children are very bless, as are you.
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